We went to return the pajamas my sister got me at Costco. I am trying to minimize my lifestyle and PJs are the last things I want to add to my possessions. While there, we bought a few other things with the money returned. One of them was a Starbucks classic hot chocolate powder in a giant metal container. Last time I bought this was in Hawaii, about this time last year.
My meal of the day during those days was a glass of hot soy milk with a spoonful of chocolate power mixed in. On my sleepless nights, I would wake up at one or two(then eventually midnight). I would struggle to make myself fall asleep only to wake up a few hours later. My head felt like I was carrying sins of the whole world. The weight of the original sin of Adam and Eve was in my head. Those were some heavy nights. What got me through my last episode was these soy hot chocolates.
We returned my PJs and loaded what we purchased onto my sister’s van. As always, it was my task to return the empty cart. I was pushing the cart back to the cart station, the bright afternoon sunlight was pouring directly onto my face. It was like the ray of sun light was shedding the light into my heart, into my head, into my being. I was being x-rayed, and I was stripped naked in the presence of God. And I did not hide. Instead, I smiled, watching the reflection of my soul and my mind. I could not find any trace of dark clouds hanging over my existence. It was a crystal clear day of my soul.
Who knew that the simple act of returning a cart could be so healing? Who knew those few seconds would be the turning point of my life?
I returned in a pure bliss and my dreamy atmosphere could not go unnoticed.
“What happened?”, my sister asked.
“I just had the most amazing experience.”
“In those few seconds?”
“Yea, I just passed the PET scan for my depression. I am depression-clear!”
She smiled at my overjoyed mood. I can say anything to her. She even partly believed me when I told her that I was Anne Frank in my previous life. She has one amazing faith in me. I have one amazing sister. She takes my nonsense, crazy talk to her heart. She supports me, she loves me, she understands me.
We came home and made some hot chocolates. Then hours later, I went to sleep without any struggle. No more slumber parties, I thought, and I was glad that I had just returned those PJs.