I am crawling my way back into the adult life. I don’t expect this to happen over night. I saw an infant baby who was seven days old yesterday. I thought, I was that small once. I’ve come a long way.
However, on the inside, I knew that the baby was the reflection of my current state of mind. My mind is seven years old, and everything blows my mind. I cannot grasp anything. I should just lay in my grandma’s warm embrace and sleep soundly like that little baby and forget about the world. The tragedy is that my mind dwells in this 32 year old woman’s body in the 21st century.
Once, I had a mind of a strong cyclist. I used to ride 60 miles casually. It was just a little “me” time on a bike.
Once, I had a mind of a sweet wife, and I took good care of my man.
Once, I had a mind of a cafe manager. I had control over many things.
But, deep down, I have a mind of an infant, only seven days old. This little one, at times, appears to be sound asleep like a little angel, but when she awakes and finds herself hungry, she will bring the whole house down with her outcry.
Along the way, I guess I forgot to feed her.
I am watching my nieces play in the playground sitting on a bench. It’s an early afternoon, a warm autumn day, too warm for this time of year. My mind is as clear as the spotless sunny sky, and I see myself as I really am. It’s so liberating.
Sitting on the bench not far from my two little nieces, sitting here watching my sister watch her daughters. Reading about a man building his own cabin in the mountain, while trying to figure out a way to build my own life.
I don’t dream of becoming the next princess.
I don’t care about a castle.
What I have always dreamed of, is finding myself.
It seems that my dream has finally come true. In the playground that afternoon, I have found myself as I truly am.
I am trying to find my way back into the adult life.
I am crawling, ever so slowly. I don’t expect this to happen over night.
I am a finder, and if finders were keepers, I’d still be at home, as Matthew Mayfield sings.
I am still not home. I am not a keeper.
But this mind, only seven days old– I am going to keep her.
She’s a keeper.