I don’t know why they close the bookstores everywhere I go to live. I am starting to take this personally. They closed down Borders, the only bookstore on the Big Island, the very next year I moved there. Then I moved to this town in Maryland where they recently closed down yet another Borders, again, the only major bookstore in town. Even if you consider the plain fact that the company went bankrupt, that I always end up in a town without any bookstores is a mystery. No more Borders, I think it’s saying, and quite frankly, I like the way it sounds. The word “border” makes me think about borderline personality disorder, which is tightly associated with bipolar disorder.

I woke up at 3 this morning feeling so hyped up. My eyes popped open and I was in action right away. I was so upbeat, it was hard to contain myself. The weather is really cold, but I love running in the cold. Plus, what a great way to ground myself before I start the day! Of course, by 7 in the morning, my day is already winding down, I guess. This morning was great. I saw some snow flurries on my run, then came home to get my niece and nephew ready for school. Then I went out again for my second run. After that, I walked to the coffee shop and read Wall Street Journal.

And of course, with the return of my heightened mood, my entrepreneur spirit is back- which means that I am probably entering another phase of unusually flighty mode. I know what awaits after this. The fast descend down to the depressed mood, to last for two weeks? Or a month? It depends on how I handle it, and how I manage. And how my brain responds to the positive changes I am making to my diet. Maybe I will mistake the spiritual laziness for depression next time. Not that the former is any better condition. It’s actually worse.

After God delivered you from the illness, you still have to deliberately choose not to fall back into the bad habit of spiritual laziness. I still hold that responsibility. There is a difference between falling into depression and falling into spiritual laziness. However cold it might sound, that’s something all depressed patients need to be told. But again, that is a very sensitive issue, and a personal one as well. It requires a great discernment, self-awareness, and much forgiveness.

But for now, I enjoy my ride on this fast charging wave, and develop a more clearer picture about my business idea. Maybe the reason all the bookstores are closing wherever I move is because I am destined to open a book shop! What if I stock it with Spiritual Nonfiction books, and some from my literary interest– basically, all my favorite books? I can have Catholic, Orthodox, and Protestant sections, and fill them with my favorite selections(used). Of course, Espresso bar will have to be there because that’s my passion, though it won’t be my focus. They have a Starbucks nearby, and a Corner bakery right across(Did I mention the rental space is right across from the library, too?). My little shop will be surrounded by the big boys- but, of course, nothing can stop me. Especially when I am feeling like I am feeling right now.

So I am entertaining myself with these thoughts today, and I am actually about to go on some shopping spree online for some deals for my inventory! I have a very deep urge to do that, but I am holding myself back. I guess buying one or two books won’t be too bad… if I can stop at that. And even if I can’t stop myself from buying too many books in one sitting, at least, I will end up with bunch of gems. I will be rebuilding my library (at a very fast pace) that I once destroyed due to the moves that I made across the waters, and lands. So all in all, I have nothing to lose, and this will turn out to be a very wise investment.

Except that I don’t trust myself at this moment. For now, I am just glad that I ripped my 0% APR fast cash check yesterday. And thank God it’s time for my little niece to come back home from her preschool. I am babysitting her today, and she will keep me away from this dangerous current going through my brain. She’s saving my day. Or maybe this babysitting arrangement is planned by God to save my day. Does my 4 year old niece know that she is doing the work of God? That God has sent her here for me? I will have to make sure she knows those special facts about her.