Did You Love Yesterday?



Did you love yesterday?

That’s a good question to ask in the morning. Of course, you can ask that before you go to bed. Most will think it’s more proper to ask at the end of the day in the form of “Did I love today?” You are still intact with the raw memories of the acts of love from that day, which will allow you to answer the question with more ease. However, if you do not have a positive answer, you will go to sleep in regret, or worse, in guilt, focusing too much on the lost opportunities. You think, tomorrow, I will love more. But aren’t we too forgetful sometimes? By the time the morning comes, we focus on what needs to be done, so eager to get the day over with. The thoughts about love is stuffed into the back storage of our minds. So, I think it makes more sense to ask that self-reflecting question in the morning to put the priorities in the right order. If yesterday was in vain, then we have a whole new canvas awaiting right in front of us.

So, did you love yesterday?

Love manifests in various ways, but one thing that stands out from my yesterday’s love stories is me taking the water out to Angus.

Angus is a giant. He’s huge. He’s black. Black Angus. Don’t think about a steak. You don’t eat him. He’s to be loved.

He weighs 140 pounds. His mother is not much heavier than him. But he could be such a baby. He’s still a baby. 140 pounds baby. Angus, the newfoundland dog.

M has been bragging about his new baby in the family for months. I am picking him up today! I remember him saying that to B when I first met him at the cafe right after I started working there. It was back in September. He’s growing so fast! He’s 90 pounds! He said, a couple of months later during his conversation with B, his favorite barista as far as I can see. He has this different attitude with me. Maybe he’s that way with people he hasn’t known for long. Maybe it takes time for him to warm up to people. Maybe he doesn’t like Asians. Maybe he doesn’t trust me with his drink. Maybe I messed up his drink one time. I tend to do that sometimes. I don’t know. It could be any reasons. Maybe it’s not about me at all!

But when he talks about his new puppy, he’s the happiest man on earth. He becomes so alive, like a completely different person, and I love it when he beams.

“I brought Angus today.”

He was waiting at the bar, while I was making his nonfat latte. I don’t know if he said that to me, or to B, because B was not far from me. Such a dog lover that I am, I jumped, moved by my overjoyed mood, and said, “I’m going out to see him!” 

But right after I made that intention very clear, people flooded in. I got caught up in the busy rush, and when the morning coffee crowd was gone, Angus was gone, too, along with M. I know he wasn’t sorry that I did not come out to see his giant baby, but I was sorry to miss the chance to see Angus.

Then I got lucky and was given another chance yesterday. M came in for his latte, and the store was running unusually slow. “Did Angus come with you?” I asked.

“Yup. He’s with me!”

“Can I go see him?”

“Of course, he’s outside.”

I rushed out, trying to catch Angus before I got busy again. He was tied to a parking rack for bicycles right in front of the store. He wasn’t a ride, but he was big enough for me to ride him if M would let me. But I know that could take the vibe of indifference I feel from him to another level.

Angus jumped up giving me a big kiss on my cheek. Big dogs like him don’t realize how big they are. My friend C in Tennessee has a malamute, weighing around 180 pounds. Scout always tried to sit on my lap whenever I went to hang out with C at her house.

While I was petting Angus, M came out with his latte. He untied Angus and moved to the table. Always in the spotlight of attention because of his magnificent stance in contrast to his cute look, Angus drew several followers around him. Then I noticed that the water bowl we leave out for our doggie customers was empty. “Does Angus need some water?” I asked M and he answered that some water would be nice, in a very, very friendly way. That made my day.

I ran back in and realized that a long line was now forming at the register. After taking the water out for Angus, I was back to work. And of course, I made sure I washed my hands really clean.

So, I loved yesterday. And I was loved back in the most grandiose ways. A big kiss from a giant newfoundland, and a friendly interaction with someone I found very hard to break through. M had his latte and Angus had his water. And I— I had love.

Will you love today?

That’s another question I ask myself  following the “Did I love yesterday?” question. And of course, I will love today. I just don’t know how yet, but I am sure I can figure some ways out.


2 Comments Add yours

  1. lilyboat, I can’t see you ever not loving.

    1. lilyboat says:

      I think everyone is so desperate to love deep down.. We just don’t know how to express, maybe.. Oh I fail so many times Terry! But I did successfully love that giant newfoundland. 🙂

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