At twilight, there’s something about this town that reminds me of Seoul. There are lights everywhere– street lights, building lights, traffic lights. It’s a different intensity of brightness that does not overwhelm me. It’s soothing, even. It reminds me of home.
I see the buses heading to the destinations, commuting cars heading back home with their headlights blinding my eyes. Once, those same lights slashed my heart, ripping my deep core with their invisible claws. Once, It was so painful to see those lights. I aimless walked on the streets alone, trying to avoid my empty nest where no one is waiting for me. Those lights reminded me of the city where I once lived, where I called home for so long, and I ached for that place. For the people. My people.
Tonight, those lights at the twilight reminded me of Seoul, and I liked it. I could feel my beloved city, something in the air even smelled like Seoul. The busyness of the early evening street felt so full of vitality, the town was putting on a different face. And I liked it.
Everywhere I go, I make a mistake of falling in love with the place. It only makes it hard when I have to say goodbye, but I cannot help but to love. And I think I fell in love with this town at the twilight today.
Someone recently told me that Maryland is the richest state in the country. Well, then, I am in love with the richest state in the country.
But it’s not about Maryland. It’s not even about this town. What I am in love with has nothing to do with the physical place. It doesn’t have to do with the living standard, life style, or even the people that live here. I am less than an hour from D.C. but politics is far from my mind and nice shopping centers have nothing to do with me. I am not a shopper. I am every retailer’s worst nightmare. The weather does have an important factor, and Maryland has been blessing me with snowy days followed by a sudden spring-like weather in the 60’s. It’s so Bipolar. And I love it for being this way. The Maryland weather is my best friend by far.
If I ever leave this town, as I have left many towns before, I will forever remember this place as one where I saw God everywhere, at all times. Through the rain, through the storm, through the snow, and through the sunny days, whether I felt low or high, I saw God, felt Him, regardless of the condition. I saw that He is good at all times.
This is also the place that I have received the most blessings, gifts, and healing. At the thought that I’ve only moved here 4 months ago, I start to wonder how much more I shall receive in this place. This is a magical place, where the most magic is happening on my personal planet, and I am in love.
It’s a blessing to have a job waiting for me to fill in.
It’s a blessing to see familiar faces at work who love me, who I love.
It’s a blessing to come back home where my family awaits.
It’s a blessing to walk on the wet street, smelling fresh rain at the twilight, remembering my first home on earth outside my mother’s womb. I have such fond memories. Only fond memories, I remember now.
When I got back from work, it was only 9:30 in the morning. The weather felt so nice, I knew we had to go outside to take the advantage. Even though I am not a shopper, I felt like walking to a shop. So my sister and I walked to a grocery shop, and then to a hobby store, pushing the stroller where my niece had fallen asleep. I got a bag of decaf New England coffee at the grocery shop, then a cross pendant in a zebra print. All things that I associate with Bipolar trait.
Once I read in an article where a Bostonian photographer pointed out how perfect New England weather is for bipolars. You get two extreme weathers. I could not agree more. Zebra, in black and white, was always a perfect symbol of Bipolar for me. So you can imagine the emotional attachments I have to New England and Zebra. I could be so poetic when I shop. But shopping rarely happens to me. It happens on special occasions when I am feeling perfectly grounded, and contently happy.
And today, I am. I am perfectly grounded, and contently happy.
So, I lifted my eyes and gave thanks to the Lord, and to the Blessed Mother for guiding me this far, for guiding me this close to the one True God.