The Problem of This Age


As soon as I wake up, my hand automatically searches for my rosary laying somewhere near me. I have this habit of going to sleep with my rosary in my left hand(I am ambidextrous with dominant left hand). The rosary feels right in my left hand. I did try to hold it in my right just because I grew up in a society where the bias against the left-handed was strong, and, as a result, I am wired to think that being left handed is bad. I know in certain countries, using a left hand is forbidden for some activities, whereas you only use left hand for– things that are less than graceful. So I feel like I should hold the rosary in my right hand. I am also reminded that Jesus is sitting at the right hand of the Father. So I feel like I must prefer the right side. But I am born left handed, and was forced to the right hand conversion by my dad, so I have become a manufactured ambidextrous. I’ve always blamed my confusing history of the use of my hands for my bipolar tendencies.

So this night, as usual, I am lying in my bed, trying to get comfortable with the way my rosary feels in my right hand. But soon I give up, because it’s just not going to happen. I adjust the position, and with my rosary in my left hand, I am a happy woman, and pretty soon drift into a very peaceful sleep, meditating on the mystery of my wickedly wired hand. My left hand feels so right, that it is my right hand.

I wake up, when it is still dark. It is precisely 3:30 in the morning, my regular waking hour. Here’s the funny thing. When I am investigating my bed looking for my rosary that escaped my left hand over night, I always, always use my right hand. Who can explain this?

But my rosary is nowhere to be found. It’s usually right around my arm, or my head. I am getting desperate. For the first time, I realize how attached I am to my rosary. I kind of need my rosary to pray the rosary. How weird is this? My mind questions. I get up on my bed, search under my blanket. I am on all fours, using my BOTH hands, at 3:30 in the morning, looking for my rosary I have lost in my own bed. Then, to my relief, I feel the beads inside my pillow case. Wait a minute. Is my rosary inside the pillow case?? I flip my pillow upside down, in disbelief, and there! I can still feel it! It’s officially inside my pillow case. And I am not done yet. The pillow case has a zipper on it. Someone, or some being, somehow unzipped my pillow cover, and put my rosary in it, and then zipped it back. This is a new miracle. I’ve never heard of such a thing.

Bewildered, I manage to pray the rosary as usual. Then I go to work and tell my co-workers about the phenomenon that I have just witnessed. Oh, you probably did it while you were sleeping. They tell me. But I didn’t! I am not that oblivious when I sleep! I protest trying to defend my sanity, but truth be told, I believed that one of the fallen angels did it to let its presence be known to me. Oh I know you’re there, so don’t bother! I tell the wicked one. I know one thing. I did not do it in my sleep. I would know. I would.

I tell my sister about it when I get home from work. She wonders if her daughter did it. I suddenly see the vision of my niece, taking my rosary while I was oblivious in my sleep, unzipping the pillow case, and puts the rosary, MY rosary, in it, and zips it back. I have no problem seeing a wicked grin on her face in my vision. Could she have done it? But why? Why would she do such a thing? And how in the world would a 5 year old innocent child come up with such an idea?

So my sister questions her daughter in private, and Elaine confesses. Here’s what she said, reluctantly.

“I knew it was very precious to auntie, so I put it in a safe place!”

So safe that I almost couldn’t find it. Right under my head!

I screen her through the book of moral law in my imagination. She does not pass. Is it moral, what she did? Has she been secretly building up a strong hatred against me? And what did I do so wrong? Other than praying for the protection of this family with that very rosary that she hid for my benefit? Does she understand that it did not benefit me at all? My train of thoughts go out of control, and soon, I realize that I do not pass my own book of moral law now.

Always assume positive intention! 

Now I have time travelled back 2 weeks prior, sitting in the store meeting. We are talking about how to improve the customers’ experiences. That one thing that my manager pointed out suddenly really speaks to me. Always assume that the customers have positive intentions! You know how some people order plain coffee, and then when the barista is making the drink, he suddenly requests for some extra syrups(which cost extra)? I think that is one example that calls for this propaganda. Always assume positive intention!

I have no doubt about my niece’s positive intention. Even if her intention was to trip me, I still love her to pieces. After all she’s only five. I am biased when it comes to her, probably more biased than the society was against my being left-handed. The society made me change the way I use my own hand. But my niece will forever be my niece. It happens to belong to the natural law.

But that got me to think– would God always deal with the society as I dealt with my 5 year old niece? Are we not far from the age when hiding someone’s precious rosary in a pillow cover is a fun idea? Or a beneficial act?

When you find yourself in relativistic and morally subjective society, everything is a pass. You can justify anything. When God is taken out of consideration- as if we could consider THAT- somehow the society’s direction is everywhere. It’s so diverse that it has no direction. It becomes morally vacant, and the proof is all over the headlines nowadays.

And if I were to assume positive intention as I was told during the meeting, the best I could come up with is anosognosia. Could it be that this society is infested with anosognosia? A phenomenon where the symptoms go unrecognized because of the physiological damage on brain structures?

Or are they simply denying or rebelling?

I fear how God will deal with the behaviors of this age. Would he assume their positive intentions? I am afraid He knows every intention known in the hearts of the humans.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s