My Confidence Is in Jesus

* * *

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Together, the three wise men journeyed through the desert

to find the baby Jesus, the Savior who has come to fulfill the prophecy.

In the union of the mind, body and soul, we, too, journey through this world

to meet our Savior.

When our mind, body and soul work together in unison,

we can make a strong pilgrimage and honor our King.

Have confidence in Jesus for He leads the Way.

He is the only King that walks the path with us

to meet us in the end for the happily ever after.

* * *

The heart is a wretched place sometimes. My heart at the conjunction of winter and spring is a mixed state at its worst. A sense of hope for the new beginning floods into the unready field, invoking many seeds of contemplation. There are many years to contemplate on. Thirty two winters I have lived through, thirty one springs I have greeted, and here comes the 32nd spring.

Spring equinox falls on March 20th, in just 19 days. But when I left the cafe at 10 am, it already felt like a perfect spring day. My mood was so bright, resembling the weather. I was ready to be with the Lord at the Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. My heart remembered the peace I always feel at the Adoration. I could almost smell the incense on the drive to the church. I craved the warm atmosphere, the safety, the divine energy of Love, the sense of eternity always present in that sacred space. But the drive to the chapel is 15 minutes long, and it doesn’t even take a second for my mood to crash. All I need is just another trigger, one out of a million sad memories.

On this perfect spring-like morning, everything felt like it did 5 years go. Even the fresh spring breeze coming in through the open window reminded me of the first big mania that broke out in that late winter/early spring. I was as confused as the crazy weather then. I remembered the cruel contradiction I have felt during that season in my mania. The weather was fair preparing the way of the spring, but I was far from feeling fair. I was a dry barren land, and the grounds were cracking everywhere under the fiery heat of insanity.

I tried to shake off the emotions my memories invoked but it was futile. It was a step too late. My lachrymal glands were already stimulated, and once they start producing the tears, they could be so relentless in that task. I don’t know what it is about driving but something about it keeps your mind flowing. And I was having too many thoughts, all turbulent ones that create a big surge of emotions in me. I was losing my grip fast.

But just as I was wiping my wet eyes while stopped at the red light, the bumper sticker of the car right in front of me captured my attention. It sad:

Mi confianza esta en Jesucristo

That gave me something else to focus on. I immediately put my shattered brain into work and translated what appears to be Spanish into English. The word “Confianza” got me pretty confused for a few seconds, but soon I decoded it. Confidence! Once I got that key word down, the rest was easy.

My confidence is in Jesus Christ.

While my brain was occupied with the sudden translation task, my thoughts have quickly transitioned from darkness to light. Few minutes later, I found myself in the parking lot of the beautiful church ground. I parked the car, and started to run to catch up with my spirit. My body finally joined with my spirit once I was inside the door. The Spirit of Jesus Christ, my confidence, was present, filling the small chapel with so much intensity. I lifted the teary eyes of my soul up to the crucified Lord on the cross. Moved by the small miracle He has provided me on the way to the church, and by His consolation for my sadness, I shed every tear drop I had left in me for the time being. There will be more tears I’m sure, but for now, I found what I was looking for in my tears.

I found my confidence, Jesus Christ, my oasis.

* * *

You can get out of here alive and happy when you walk out with Jesus.

 

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. reinkat says:

    How often it is a small thing that reminds us of God’s loving hand in our lives.

    1. lilyboat says:

      Small wonders are everywhere and they give me such hope to sustain and persevere! Thanks be to God for the encouragement!

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