A Bipolar Story 2




When the mind feels bogged down, here’s a good way to get unstuck. Lift some weights and pump some blood into your head. It gives you an immediate boost in your brain. It’s hard to do yoga for an hour when you are down. But it’s not as hard to do some five minute resistance training, and yet, you are still able to achieve the benefit. It provides a powerful distraction from mental stagnation, or depression. It gives you focus, and provides more will power, and sometimes, you come out with a totally different mental state. You feel unstuck. Weight lifting has been my daily therapy since last year and it has accompanied me throughout my last few episodes. I can attest to the fact that since I have added weight lifting to my exercise regime(which consists of yoga, running, biking, and light walking), healing took place faster.

Healing takes time and immense focus. It costs a lot of money, too. For some, it’s a life long battle and there may not be an end to it. It may just become your life, and you create your life style to fit your illness. I know a story I read years back about a girl who cannot withstand below 70˚F due to her condition called cold urticaria(Article “here“). Ice cream is off her limit as it is a lethal weapon for her. But she still enjoys her homey life with her mama and daddy and her smile is contagious.

Or how about the lady with Schizoaffective Disorder and OCD? She is a CEO of a non-profit organization and still manages to live a life with a full-time career while she learns to live with her illness(Article “here“). She copes with her medication, highly focused administration job to occupy her busy mind, her sympathy dog, relaxation travels and many talk therapies. She knows the plans that work for her, and now she has been free of hospitalization for over 5 years(at the time the article was published in 2011)

Oh, let’s not even mention Helen Keller.

When it comes to healing you have to learn to protect and nurture yourself. You forgive yourself about bailing out, and you need to give yourself a break when you have failed certain challenges. How hard is it to admit your mistakes and limits? We all have limits. In healing, it is important to know yourself. You must accept your limits, and discover your abilities. Prepare your heart for the long journey of healing you face ahead, and make a promise to yourself that you will do your best to get better. You may not be able to say that you will enjoy every suffering you face ahead, but at least you can embrace it. The reality may bites you big time, but once you wake up in the real world, there is so much freedom, and liberty. You don’t have to try to become who you were never meant to be. How freeing is that?

Since I have started bailing out of my gallery business that I have started less than 2 months ago with only 2 months of preparing, every day has been like a miracle. I see how God has been paving the easy way out for me. What kind of land lord starts the lease with no contract? But my landlord never asked me to sign anything. Some of my artists went through depression themselves, and they are more than eager to help me out in finishing what I have started. I have become great friends with them, and I know that we will be friends for a long time.

The Artists Reception event is coming up very soon(this coming Sunday), and though it was the product of my hypomania, coming into full bloom in my depression, I know together we can make it fun. I know for that one day, I can enjoy myself, what I have done, and appreciate the people that have gathered on that afternoon to celebrate art. To me, it is my hypomania party, but no one needs to know that. I will secretly celebrate another new beginning of my new life (ironically, it will be the day after my birthday): my life with bipolar.

Maybe my story is not going to be a success story. Maybe I will never become a CEO of the company of my own creation.

And maybe my story is not going to be about hearing God’s voices, and acting on His commands and requests as His faithful servant.

I don’t know what my story is becoming. I am still discovering.

But for now, my story is a bipolar story.

And it’s a story I can tell, every bit of it, coming straight from my heart.




4 Comments Add yours

  1. I appreciate your perspective. Thanks for sharing your story.

    1. lilyboat says:

      you’re welcome. Thank you for your continuous visits. God bless!

  2. reinkat says:

    Thank you for the wisdom you have reminded me of here. We must all accept our limitations and build our lives around our flaws.

    1. lilyboat says:

      I had been living a very humbling experience lately, I have to say, the shame I felt from the whole event was the hardest one to overcome.. I am still working on it, but I have come to accept my limits and came to discover some positive outcomes! God bless you!

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