On Compunction

In the language of medieval asceticism, the clear-sighted recognition and mature acceptance of our own limitation is called “compunction.” Compunction is a special grace, an insight into our own depths which, in one glance, sees through our illusions about ourselves, sweeps aside our self-deceptions and daydreams, and show us ourselves exactly as we are. But…

To Let the Story in

I took my road bike out for a ride today. It was my first ride in almost a year. My last ride was reduced to a few mile ride to and back from the horse farm nearby. I was heading fast into my depressive episode, and as it always happened during my depression, I finally…

A Bipolar Story 2

  When the mind feels bogged down, here’s a good way to get unstuck. Lift some weights and pump some blood into your head. It gives you an immediate boost in your brain. It’s hard to do yoga for an hour when you are down. But it’s not as hard to do some five minute…

The Art of Embracing the Rain

That familiar darkness and heaviness is the first thing that greets my waking mind and body. Good morning, depression.  What else am I going to do? If I can’t escape, what else can I do except embracing it? I pray the rosary, and say the prayer to St. Michael. I come out to the living…

A Bipolar Story

Having mom read me bible until I fall asleep next to me reminds me of our days in Tennessee last year. It was exactly about this time of year. Mom slept in my room as my comfort while I battled through extreme fear and anxiety. My symptoms were worse during the night, and the worst…