It’s not often that I get to stay home at 9 in the morning. By this time, I have already logged in at least a few hours at my morning job as a barista. I have probably met at least 50 or 60 people by now, talking incessantly for a few hours and my energy level is so low about to hit the bottom. Although I had enough fun talking to people, chatting with my coworkers, interacting and making connections, by 9 am I am ready for my shift to be over so I can go home and finally focus on myself, instead of coffee and the customers.

Until it’s time to play my other identity as a yoga teacher, I do have plenty of time to focus on my family, friends, and myself. I have lunch with my family, I do happy hour with my friends, I go for a run alone, and occasionally I take naps. I read, write, meditate, do yoga, reflect, or just simply be.

But there is nothing like lazy sunny mornings at 9 o’clock with beautiful violin music playing in the back ground. Outside the window by my desk, I can see the giant tree hovering over my yellow studio as if it is protecting this sacred space. Through the gaps of the branches, I can see the quiet country road, cars passing by from time to time going somewhere. And I feel like I can sit here like this all day, observing every little detail I see out the still window. It’s the scene that never bores me. It’s so timeless.

The autumn is deepening, as the dry leaves on the lawn proves every new morning. Soon the trees will be bare naked, and the wind is going to blow harder quickening the pace of the upcoming winter. I can already picture the snowy scene outside my window, and I hope I will still be sitting here peacefully typing away my mornings. Maybe I will have more lazy nine o’clock mornings in my pajamas by then.

I don’t know what other people dream of but that is my dream right now. More peace, more freedom, more time for me and my loved ones, and more passion for all things that I do. And I look forward to my future when all things will come together by the power of Love that can only come from the Grace of God.

 

But for now, more than anything, I dream of this —

I dream of the coming winter, my favorite season of all.

It will be the first winter in a long time, unaffected by the darkness of depression.

Freed from that strong dark pull that used to drag me down to the horrifying abyss,

I know I will be sitting here peacefully typing away my winter season,

full of joy, and happiness.

I will be glorifying God all winter for all that He has given me every morning, every moment, and every breath.

 

For a second I hold my breath.

I sense the flush of new life rushing in.

I take a big inhale with the sound “Ahhhh….”

And with that one breath, I think I just arrived to the place I’ve always dreamed of belonging.