It’s been a hectic few weeks. I was on many emotional roller coaster ride, but not for my mental instability. That’s something my psychologist wouldn’t miss to remark on my progress note if I were still having a therapy. It has been a few weeks of many trials, small and big, all in the midst of the deepening winter symptoms. Going into work at 4:30 in the morning in the 20’s degrees weather has been a hell for me, and it was extremely hard to do anything let alone getting ready for work when my still unawakened brain was craving for sleep. Finally, I am turning into a normal person. I no longer wake up at 3 in the morning, and hit the wall by 10 am. I can sleep until 7 or 8 sometimes if my body needs to, and I am up and about still functioning at 7 in the evening. That’s a big progress in my world once left damaged by the destructive fall of my mental health.
This bright Virginia morning light seems so glorious this morning. I am visiting my boyfriend- well, my fiancé, now,- in his new townhouse, a new home he has chosen two days ago. It takes less than 10 minutes from his work, which means he can completely let go of all those years of stressful D.C. commute hours. “I hope you can see that this change will bring us a better future together, though it was a hard decision to leave Maryland.” He told me before he made his final decision to move to Virginia. And I can already see the positive change his move has brought on. For one thing, I now have no choice but to drive from Maryland to Virginia in order to visit him. I have no excuse to avoid the interstate. I drove for the first time by myself through the notoriously busy Tysons Corner near D.C., got on the Capital Beltway(I-495), and paid my way through EZ pass toll gates. I know it’s not a big deal for most people, but for someone with highly sensitive nervous system, and anxiety issues, driving through D.C. is not so easy. After that journey is taken, I feel like a different person now. I feel accomplished. A sense of a small accomplishment for this sensitive and fearful being goes a very long way, I think.
A wonderful writer Tony Roberts over at “A Way with Words” nominated one of my pieces for top 10 mental health posts for 2013. This is a great honor, and I am very much encouraged by his generosity. I’ve come a very long way since I accidentally started this blog Lilyboat. I have not fathomed any of the nominations and awards that I have received throughout the year. Today, thanks to the reminder of Tony, I spent some of my morning reading my old post, “A Stormy Moment in the Rain“. I remember that cold stormy night very clearly like it happened yesterday. It’s a writer thing. But I also see the long distance I have travelled since that moment. I have truly come very far, and all credits go towards all my readers that have opened their ears and hearts to my mumblings on Lilyboat.
Lilyboat, for me, has been more like my companion on my healing journey than a mere blog site. While I rush into my next phase of life with the support of my family and now, my wonderfully loving fiancé, Lilyboat is not going anywhere. It is my travel buddy. I will always, always have her right next to me.
And it is my tiny hope that I can share the comfort of companionship through Lilyboat with those who struggle with mental illness, especially, depression. I believe that is my purpose here on earth, a new mission that my Jesus has given me. I will always remember the year 2013 as the year I have discovered my purpose for the Kingdom of God.
I have no doubt that–
in the spring time, there will be new hope arising.
I can already feel it.
The new breath of fresh air,
renewing all things that are old and gone.
It will be a whole new world,
a world, that I never, ever, dreamed was possible.
To a land that I thought had long past gone,
to a land that I never thought I would step back on again,
and to a land that promises all Godly things to be given to me, to us,
to that place, I am traveling.
Today is only part of that journey, but it is a crucial journey. A journey I must take on.
And tomorrow is only part of that destination, though it may be an incomplete destination, falling short of expectation of our tired minds, still, a destination we must pass through.
Just like that, this journey continues on, one day, at a time.
Today here, tomorrow there, always moving, flowing, in the rhythm of the Holy Current,
and all through the darkness and toil, we will always have
Love, Hope, and Faith.
Those three will get you through, no matter what ordeal you have found yourself in.
The light is not far.
Spring is almost here.
So happy new year, everyone.