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When you feel like losing your grip, that is the best time to pray. Clasp your hands and hold on tight. Kneel on your humble knees, turn off the light and look inward. Hear your heart crying out… HELP!!!! And start to engage in the conversation between the heart of your soul and your God. Now you are praying. Now we are talking. Welcome to the life of a believer.
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“Once more into the fray. Into the last good fight I’ll ever know. Live and die on this day. Live and die on this day.”
– Ottway, from The grey
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I am swimming through the murky water. It’s been a longer swim than I would have liked. But I am here, still navigating and pulling myself through…
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Once the dark times have passed, you always remember those who walked with you. You remember who held your hand when you were on the ground. You remember who gave you a hand to lift you up. You remember who stood by you cheering you on and encouraging you to go on. You remember who made you want to continue. You remember who helped you through. You remember the guiding light that appeared in your times of darkness and trials.
When no such person is around, rejoice. God is about to show up Himself without any disguise. You will be able to witness His pure super powers.
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Above are all the words that I have written or scribbled for the last one month or so. I couldn’t write anything at all, no matter how often I sit in front of my computer. I started to think that my path as a writer had finally come to its dead-end. Winter is a hard month for all, especially this winter that was full of winter storms and polar vortexes. But without this hardening of the land, this freezing of the earth, life won’t have chance to rest and restore. Life will bloom again because it had been given a time of sabbath.
But these months of inactivity, and stillness do something very harmful to me. Stillness is hard to endure for someone who was raised by anxiety and constant chaos. It is usually during these quiet, still winter months that I conjure up something that would turn my life upside down. I come up with something that would change the course of my life. I usually wait until spring time to execute my plan but this winter, I didn’t have time to wait. I was getting too anxious to do something different. And so I became a preschool teacher at a small scale Korean-American preschool.
When I memorized all the names of the kids in the school by the end of the day, I knew I had found the right job. I sincerely loved all those little people. Every word that came out of their innocent minds never stopped to amaze me. My whole day just flew by, and by the time I got home, I was sorry that I was hired to work only on saturdays.
So with the new change already in place, my spring is already here. Though I am swimming through murky water, and I cannot see what lies ahead, I do what I can to take that one more step forward. I write down my prayers quickly on a piece of white paper, and put it in my prayer box. That is something that I can do. Sometimes that is the only thing that I can do, like this morning when I feel so weak.
You probably know this, but I will tell you anyways, because it is the only thing that I know. When you are stripped down to prayers alone, you have a good reason to applaud. You have finally arrived at a place where you will witness the mighty power of God’s intercession. Keep praying. Because it will change your life. Keep hoping. Because you are heading to a very good start. Not just any start. It’s a jump start. You will see.