After a failed job interview, I sit here wondering and asking: Am I cut out for a traditional employment type? Making data entries that have no personal meaning for 8 hours a day or working within the boundaries of certain systems created with high rate of production in mind? Is that really what I want? Being analyzed for a position being offered was a humiliating and intimidating process that I do not wish to repeat. However, it is a necessary process. It’s part of a growing-up process, I tell myself. But is that really what I want? Landing on a job that offers financial security but has nothing to do with my dream or God’s dreams? That one interview I did a few days ago has left me with many questions. The outfit I purchased in the “Career” section now hangs in my closet, somehow, its presence clouding my mind, my heart, my soul. Am I going too far with just a simple style of clothing? Didn’t my fortune in the fortune cookie read “A new outlook brightens your image and brings new friends”? A new job had always yielded me many new friends which also yielded many pleasurable aspects of life: new adventures, new ideas, new discoveries, etc. The fact is, I am a bit confused whether I am burdened by the presence of my new career outfit because it reminds me of the wasted interview I have failed or because it signifies the gravity of the job search that is now upon my fate.
I suddenly want to reenroll in another master’s program. I know at least two people in my life that continued to stay in school, pursing his or her fourth or fifth degree. “As long as I stay in school, I don’t have to worry about my student loan!” One of them said half-jokingly, and we both laughed so hard. Even though his light approach to life is admirable, I wondered if one can be so aimless in life in favor of being carefree. The day will come when you will have to pay for what you have ignored. If not yourself, then your children will. Isn’t that a scary thought?
I can wonder and doubt about my future career to the point of depression as my medical history proves. But I am a new human being now, and so, I chose to make a detour to see the biggest dreamer that I know in my life: my husband. Instead of heading straight back home after a visit with my parents, I decided to get some Chinese dinner so we can eat on the land where he has been excavating. It is where our new home will stand proudly in the distant future.
I remember when he first started talking about his dream of becoming a builder. “I can start by building my own house!” Two years after he first started fondling his idea of building a home, he is finally breaking the grounds. It’s such a triumphant week. So this is my small effort to congratulate him on achieving his dream. Taking some dinner to the land so he can take a small break and enjoy his moment.
Surprisingly, in this very American rural town, the closest restaurant from our land is a Chinese take-out place. In the setting sun, the three of us had our humble dinner on the bare ground. When my daughter’s tummy got full, she started begging for a tractor ride. Her vocabulary is still very limited, but upon hearing the relatively clear word “tractor” amongst her long mumbling, I knew what she was asking for. Before they took off for a tractor ride around the land, I suggested that we open the fortune cookies first.
So here’s what we opened. For my husband: Any idea seriously entertained tends to bring about the realization of itself. For me: A new outlook brightens your image and brings new friends. For my daughter: A small gift can bring joy to the whole family. And lastly, for everyone (simply because I accidently grabbed an extra fortune cookie from the restaurant): A man without aim is like a clock without hands.
How fitting for each of our unique situations! So I put behind the confusion and anxiety about my failed interview and many future interviews to appreciate the wonderful scenery that was unfolding. A man who dreamed of becoming a builder and a farmer was riding his tractor around his land with his daughter, a small joy to the whole family. If you entertain any idea seriously enough, then the idea will realize itself. Like Disney once said, if you can dream it, you can do it. And while you dream and pursue it, don’t forget to enjoy the small joys of life. A laughter of a small child overjoyed with a simple tractor ride is worth so much more than making a million-dollar paycheck. My aim here on earth is not to increase my monetary value. I already know that I am priceless in God’s eyes and that’s all that matters to me. My aim here on earth is to spread the joy of life lived in God’s presence which is also my dream job. Maybe I wasted money on the interview outfit that is not even my style. So what? A new outlook brightens my image and it will work nicely as my Sunday outfit. While you continue to entertain a dream of yours until it materializes itself, don’t forget to give thanks to God for His Providence. And remember: You are here to live happily ever after.