For the first time since my grandmother passed away, I got to have a couple of hours to myself. I came home after dropping my daughter off at her school, and went outside with hot coffee to warm me up. This empty land out in my backyard, overlooking the untamed woods, is far from a heart-warming place. I reached my right fingers and touched the cold dirt on the ground. Underneath the cold winter dirt like this, far away in Korea, my grandma lies wrapped in the pink cloth. I wonder if they chose pink because it was her favorite color.

Envisioning my grandma’s lifeless body beneath the earth quickly wet my eyes. Would I ever come to a full comprehension of it all? My grandma, still so vividly healthy and full of life, is no longer here. She has passed from this world and she is no longer in her earthly body. But I feel like she will greet me at the airport when I fly back to Korea any day. Maybe one day, my small mind will come to grasp and encompass the questions death leave behind.

I picked up my Word among Us issue and opened today’s reading. As soon as I opened today’s page, my eyes found this verse in the first reading. “God formed man to be imperishable; the image of his own nature he made him” (Wisdom 2:23). I felt my grieving soul coming to a complete rest immediately. Perhaps I shall never come to a full understanding or feel total peace about human deaths. Until I go through the death myself and  become free from the earthly sorrows, I will always have to cling to my daily Bible verses to gain strength and healing.

The morning I woke up to the news of my grandmother’s passing from this world, I saw a big eagle taking a morning flight. I tried to imagine my grandma’s unfettered soul finally flying back home to God. I will always miss her sharing the messages she received from the Lord when I was suffering from depression. She gave me so much comfort, hope, and reassurance. I will always miss her praying for me and for all of her children and great-grand children in her early mornings. I will miss her Bible always placed on her small desk. But now, I feel her every time I see those morning birds in the sky. I feel her in the deep autumn breeze as I take an afternoon stroll with my daughter’s small hand in mine. I know without a doubt that one day I will be walking with my grandma in our eternal home without any fear of having to say good bye. Until then, it is my duty to carry on my grandma’s legacy of faith and continue to pass her love of Jesus onto my child.

The song of the wind by Sohyang