How do you even begin to describe moments like this? When there is such silent pause that you don’t hear a single ticking of the clock, as if you are caught in the sweet web of eternity? The moment feels so ethereal. The words such as rest, retreat, relaxation, surrender fill your mind and you discover that your mind can actually come to a complete pause and rest. I’ve had memories of these moments in the past. Most of them happened in Hawaii. Sitting on the white sandy beach on pacific ocean, sitting on the lanai of my small studio watching the ocean waves, waiting for sleep to come and listening to the far-away ocean breeze, waking up to the sweet smell of Plumeria every morning, numerous walks of Ali’i drive alongside the sea, meditating on the deck of the Hawaiian yoga ashram. I’ve had plenty of those moments where time came to a standstill to meet the match: Eternity. Eternity completely overpowered and silenced time and my mind went still as well. And this, right here, right now, so far away from Hawaii, I am there. I don’t need Hawaii. I am as still as I can be.
At the last Eucharistic adoration, I wrote down my short prayer. It was so simple that it startled myself. I knew I had so much to pray for. I could fill up at least 10 pages of that magnificent sized book of prayer at my local parish with my tiring words. But I only wrote: God, thank you for everything. I leave everything up to you. You control my life. You just take care of everything. Amen.
The sound of the dry leaves brushing against each other in the gentle breeze on this unusually warm winter day reminds me of the gentle waves of the Hawaiian ocean that I grew so accustomed to. Once, I fell asleep like a new born baby to the sound of the ocean. In the flick of the light, i am transported back to Hawaii, where I felt so at home, so loved, and so in peace. I don’t need Hawaii. I am as happy as I once was when I was living on the island.
And this sweet surrendering of my will and my fate entirely to God, is the lesson that Hawaii has taught me. And I will forever thank God for the time He gave me on that island where I felt so… native, where He taught me what it feels like to live in the native state of mind, just the way He designed us human beings to be.