It’s a quiet morning, just waiting out the rain in my car. A brief sunny day after more than a week of rain storms passed quickly and the familiar rain is here again. All morning, I have been hearing depressing stories. Jobs are on the line for two of my direct family members. Basically all my family members are under the attack of work-related stress that pose an imminent threat to the life as they know. Things are shifting fast individually, communally, locally and globally. Possibilities of choices seem so vast but then… I quickly realize that I really do not have any power in any of this. So instead of joining in the dark pool of depression, I decided to come to my beloved chapel and pray. But even here, I can find no solace of safe refuge. A wedding rehearsal is going on.
Having no where to go, I idly walk around the beautiful church gardens. I notice all the spring flowers are gone now. Just last week, I was admiring so many flowers, taking pictures and smelling the fragrances.
I want those flowers back but it is beyond my control and power. They don’t linger just as the pure joy of the wedding day. The wedding rehearsal in the chapel reminded me of the royal wedding I watched on tv over the weekend. How happy and beautiful the future Duchess looked! Can you imagine the first morning you meet as a royal family member, prince Harry sleeping next to you? It must be like a dream. A living fairy tale.
The reality is biting me hard this morning. It’s all represented in this very situation I am in right now. In my car, waiting out the rain, staring longingly at the chapel, small and humble that is open to public. Even that inviting, all- inclusive, all-encompassing chapel seems so distant and I feel left out.
Last night, I found it hard to suppress my heavy emotions. I put my child to sleep and then sat down to stretch on my yoga mat. I do this thing most nights before bed- I sit on my yoga mat releasing the tension in my body while I read my bible. With only the dim light from the closet, I carefully read one word at a time, awaiting the message the Lord might have saved just for me for the night. I read one verse while holding my pigeon pose which is my favorite. I read another verse in the middle of the cobra pose. Then I read a verse that brought so much comfort and hope that I was thankful I was in a table top position because I can quickly turn into praying pose which means I am kneeling on the floor with my face buried on the ground with only my hands to save me from inhaling the decades old smell of this rotting trailer home. I cried tears of relief and hope. Tears of so much love and happiness because of the guaranteed promise of my bright future in the eternal life with Christ.
All the trees of the forest will know that I the LORD bring down the tall tree and make the low tree grow tall. I dry up the green tree and make the dry tree flourish. I the LORD have spoken, and I will do it.
– Ezekiel 17:25
How many times have I felt low and short and inadequate? How many times have I felt like a dry and dead tree just withering away by the harsh wind? The Lord was giving these promises and double confirming by ending his promise with “I will do it.” It was the perfect assurance that I needed that night.
This morning, the news channel was all on fire with the report of the morning the Duchess of Sussex met in Kensington palace. This morning, at the sign of more rain, I suppressed my groan, noticing the stronger odor of the soggy bottom coming from the molded and rotten cross base of this house structure. It gets worse on rainy days. A couple is rehearsing a wedding, perhaps not the wedding to go down the history but still a big, big day for both families. It’s a day to bloom and to be fully enjoyed.
And even though I sit here waiting out the dark rain, I know my big day will come with the coming of Jesus. The low tree will grow tall and dry, dead tree will flourish. The Lord clearly promised that He will do it, and I believe.