Funny thing happened the other day when I was aimlessly browsing the library. As I was walking through a biography aisle, a title captured my attention. The Real Jane Austen. Then a tiny voice in my head said, “Let’s get back to the basic”.
I have deleted most of my contents from the first few years of this blog Lilyboat and I doubt that any of my current readers are aware of this. I have started this Blog because of my interest in Jane Austen. I was reading heavily about Jane Austen and any books inspired by this 18th century soul. Feeling confused and my will broken, I lived almost a year guided by the question: What would Jane Austen do?
I admired the simplicity of the times when Austen lived. I let my burdened mind escape to the world of morning teas and country walks where the ball was a big event to shake up the whole village. And now, with my heart feeling confused and my will broken, I find myself being drawn to that soul once more. Not so much to ask for guidance from Jane Austen, but perhaps, the need to return to the basics is necessary in order for me to get myself back on track.
Two months of homelessness with a toddler in Korea has taught me much. Of course, I always had a place to stay: my sister, my friends, my cousins, and my aunts- all have offered freely their places. But it was not like home. Two months away in a foreign country, even though it was once my home for my first twenty years of life, is not like two months on a paradise island with ten thousand dollars to spend. Even so, it would still be a challenge because, after all, home is where your heart is. Which is the lesson I have learned. I always missed Korea, and I always will, but by choice or by fate, here I am half way around the world, and I missed this home of mine so much. I missed my endless country views, and I missed the chirping sounds of birds in the mornings. I missed watching the sunset every night, and the peaceful routine I have established.
So it was not easy for me to come back home where now my mother-in-law resides with us. The plan was that she will leave to live with her oldest son after spending a few months in our small two bedroom house while I was in Korea. But the plans change and so it did this time. She loved the peace and quiet of this country place just as I have. And naturally, as a Christian, it would be the nicest idea to share this peace with her. However, I am a reclusive, and like to be alone, at least when I am home and I don’t like to be around people especially when my mood is low. With my swinging mood acting like a swinging door of my heart, it is hard for me to be open at all times. I shut down and I don’t talk, and I appear to be hostile at times, I know.
It took me a month to come to the acceptance that my mother-in-law will be with us indefinitely and that it is just a new fact that I have to accept. To change the dynamic, I decided to look for an employment. I feel the timing is right and if I wait any longer, I fear that I will be permanently unemployable.
So that’s where that idea of going back to the basics came from. But how far basic should I go back to? Back to the times when I had my simple barista job? Or back to the times when I taught yoga? Or all the way back to the time when I had just freshly arrived here in the US? Or maybe… more back, far back, way back to the times when the dream of being a writer held so much magic. It was so vital for my survival.
For now, I decide to go back to the basics of reading Scriptures and Austen as I keep my job search an ongoing process. With a toddler around 24-7 to keep my mind scattered and all over the place, it seems that going back to the basics will be a challenge that will distract me from my unhealthy thought patterns.
“As pressure and stress bear claim on me, I find joy in your commands.”
‘Forget about the past. Forget about the future. Just enjoy the moment you have with the Lord in the center of your life’. I keep reminding myself. This is so basic. This is so primal. This is the basic instinct that is so vital for my survival here on this earth.