Jealousy, worry, and anger suck life out of my soul. Life in the spiritless body is an empty, hollow void that cannot be filled. It’s a bottomless pit that sucks and swallows up all things alive. Your body embodies the entire hell. And the only way to get out of that hell is to step out of yourself.
It’s a surprisingly thin wall. If you look back at the hellish experience. What separated light from darkness was really so very simple. As simple as the ancient Word, Let there be light. With that, light came to be. Those four words spoken by God created light. And God made it even more simpler for us when He gave us Jesus. At the mentioned of His name, Jesus, light comes. We just need to utter that one name. That’s it. It’s so simple. But it’s so easy to forget.
I’ve strayed away from so many things. My daily writing, reading, yoga practices, marriage, etc. Recently, I’ve spent some time reflecting on the way I’ve lived my life. It brought a sense of doom as I reflected on my life. I had to admit: I gave up a whole lot of things. It was my life pattern.
During those prolonging weeks of my yet another mental battle, it was made so clear. It’s a discipline. It’s God’s way of training me to love Him regardless of life circumstances. My invisible darkness that visits my soul no longer has power over me. Yes, I go down. It’s gravely dark in there. Despite the blessings I continue to count each morning, it is just so very hard to fight the desperate wish that comes from the depth of my tortured soul: A wish for the end of my life here on earth. When my heart becomes incapable of feeling love, joy, and happiness, and when this state continues on and on and all you can see is the endlessly long path of darkness- it’s scary. It makes you wish for things that you shouldn’t.
So how do you get out of that dark pit? Who can save you from its deathly grip? Not your family. Not your friends. Not even yourself. Especially not yourself. Okay, perhaps to certain degrees all those people including yourself could help you relieve the pain. But it will only play to prolong your continual state of gloom. Sometimes, what you or they are doing just might be to nurture the depression.
The answer to get out of the darkness is quite simple. It’s the secret code to get you out. It’s the name “Jesus”. I know depression brings with it immobility. The brain doesn’t function properly. But I think we can do this. Throughout the day, just mention the name “Jesus”. That’s all. Remembering to do it is the harder part, but just try your best to mention his name. As much as you can.
Then, one day, it will happen again. Love will return. Your heart will leap for joy again. You may fall back into the darkness. It always comes back. But just remember. Light is just one word away. The name “Jesus” is the only thing that you will ever need to find that light again.
I’ve given up so many things in my life. So many failures to count, so many shortcomings because of my tendency to give up. But this, calling upon the name of Jesus, I won’t give up.
Though my mind may fall, let my heart arise in the times of darkness.
By the love of God ingrained in my heart, help me shine your light even in the darkness.
In Jesus’s name, Amen.