Be the Light

I started a part time job at a day care center to fill my day while my daughter is away in school. This is my first job in eight years. I stayed home caring for my daughter enjoying every second of her life, but the day came one September morning that I felt a strong push nudging me to step out of my cocoon. I knew the Holy Sprit was telling me that it is time to go back out to the world.

I listen to a Korean radio show every morning on my drive to my daughter’s school. This morning, the host was quoting from the Korean drama “Misaeng (미생)“. It’s about a young man who devoted his whole life to become a Korean chess champion. The drama evolves around th is failed former chess player and his struggles at a competitive office life. The drama’s most famous line goes something like this: Do you think workplace is a battlefield? It’s hell out there!

And I knew it. That it is hell out there. That was why. I didn’t want to venture back out again. I wanted to stay home where it safe and peaceful. Protected from the harms of the world, I dreamed of writing and reading at home for the rest of my life, playing Emily Dickinson. I enjoyed cooking, cleaning, and organizing. I loved my Homelife. I wanted to keep my daughter in this haven to keep her safe from the world. But the day came when she started her school full day, and she loved the learning and her friends. It turns out, my daughter is just like her daddy. She is a social butterfly and does not suffer from separation anxiety. She thrives in the communal setting. She is so not like me. And I was thankful. I also felt this nagging guilt about staying home when I was no longer needed at home as much as before. I had a good eight hours to spend working somewhere instead of waiting for my daughter’s school pickup time. So I found what I could find- at my daughter’s previous preschool/daycare.

I can’t say I love it but I can’t say I hate it, either. I take it day by day. It’s a big adjustment going from stay-at-home mom of eight years to being a worker. I constantly refocus myself by reminding myself of that crucial morning in September when I felt the strong nudge of the Holy Spirit. God wanted me to get out. I had to do something. And I did. And here I am. I literally say those words to myself throughout the day at my workplace.

Now, I find myself looking forward to going into work more and more. I think about the center’s babies, toddlers, and preschoolers more than I thought I would. It’s a blessing that I get paid to give love to God’s children! I try my best to practice Jesus’s command. He commanded us to be the light of the world. For that reason, He sends us all to all the corners of this dark world. It may be hell out there, but we can overcome and light up the darkness when we try our best to be the light. And that is the true reason we are out there. We all answer to God’s call to be the light no matter where you are and whatever you are doing.

Dream jobs? I have some. I’ve dreamed of being something magnificent all my life. I still dream and I will until my life here on earth comes to an end. But none of that matters. What matters is that one day I will stand before the throne of my King and I will have to answer His questions: How much did you love? Did you share the light I gave you? Each day, I try my best to make sure that one day I can give a clear YES to Him. And that is the sole reason that I am working. At least that’s what I tell myself everyday.

You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lamp stand, and it gives light to all [who are] in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.

Matthew 5:14-16

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